Abandon the search for a warrior and seek for a man who knows how to love

For some time now, I have witnessed posts, articles and “inspiring” photoshopped images demanding that we women need not find ourselves a man but a WARRIOR! “Don’t settle for a man, seek for yourself a brave soldier or fighter” (That is the Google definition FYI).

Now maybe it’s my unique interpretation of what this pursuit entails but there is something about these posts that really get my blood boiling.

Expecting modern day men to rise to the qualities of a war soldier seems a little outdated to start with…

One thing that really peeves me is the pedestal many women place men on top of without any knowing of what it is like to live a day in their shoes. I see it everywhere…man hating comments all over social media, societal double standards that don’t allow men to speak up and express themselves and their emotions, huge inequalities in the judicial and health care systems that prevent beautiful fathers from having access to their children and male domestic violence victims from accessing support.

I know there are many women (and men for that matter) out there that would argue that women have it hard too, and there are some that would argue that females have it worst. I know this because I used to feel this way before I had any insight into what it is like to be a man in this day and age. But does the fact that woman have their struggles mean that men should suffer too?

When I see the social media posts mentioning the search for a warrior, the part that rages inside me is the knowing that women are seeking aimlessly for an individual who could never possibly meet the criteria of what women are truly yearning for.

I used to spend so much of my energy searching for that man, that warrior. I disempowered myself, thinking that he would come along to sweep me off my feet, save me from my life and make everything better. After speaking to countless women about this search, I have discovered this is far from a unique story!

After years of this aimless pursuit, I recall the moment I discovered that all the qualities I was seeking outside myself, all those parts I was yearning to feel from “him”, were inside me. The safety, solidity, presence and strength I craved were all possible to have and no one outside of me could provide this better than I could myself.

Discovering a love and appreciation for my own inner masculine has led me to see the masculine in all beings with fresh eyes of honour and respect. It is from this place that I could finally be met by an incredible man and share a genuine, deep and beautiful connection-not out of need or lack-but from a place of full power and consciousness.

My wish is that every woman knows what it is to believe she is whole and complete, loved and loving, safe and strong, all on her own-man or no man.

I love the men in my life. I love witnessing how they show up in the world, what they bring to mine and others lives, how they feel and see life so vastly different then I ever will. I have a deep respect for the masculine which I believe is so deserved and I hope that this honouring continues to expand in myself and others.

I believe us women need to encourage our men to be loving, open hearted and compassionate beings who live from a place of authenticity and integrity.

I believe this doesn’t happen by holding them to unrealistic expectations of warriors but does occur from our willingness to embody these qualities ourselves so that we settle for no less in a partner then what we are ourselves.

From this place we can finally be met in our power, as equals who need not each other but nonetheless have so much love and so many gifts to offer one another.



Photo Credit: Make Love Watercolor No. 131 by Tina Maria Elena Bak

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